Hey Schuylkill Expressway! and why Sam Clover Sucks

I’m having an I-hate-everyone kinda day. I know you’ve had ’em.

First off, here’s an idea, people in PA who run one of the worst roads in the world (I’ve asked, it’s true): clean up your act!

The ONLY road commuters can take out of Philly/South Jersey to get to places west like King of Prussia (the location of my current job) is the Schuylkill Expressway (I-676)…a two-lane-each-way-with-no-shoulder-highway that is clogged nearly 24/7 with cars and TRUCKS, which cause all the problems. How’s about ENFORCING the “No trucks in the left lane” rule? That would solve a LOT of  traffic problems.


And here’s another good idea: clean up the road kill. Now, nothing makes me sadder than to see poor dead animals on the road…but to have to see them day after day after day…well, it’s downright criminal. You have road crews, I assume? Get out there and clean up the animals…and the debris from oh so many accidents…and the tires that have flown off vehicles and sit there day after day after day.

You have NO PROBLEM tying up traffic for MILES while you work on one little patch of something during the morning! How’s about you put up a few cones at night during the few minutes it would take to clean up? Or give me a truck; I’ll have the whole place cleaned in an hour. True story.

And now…1060 AM. First of all, I NEVER listen to AM radio anymore b/c, well, it’s AM radio. So the ONLY reason we go there is to get the traffic report! SO hey, here’s an idea: GET IT RIGHT! As a daily driver of the aforementioned terrible I-676, I NEED that report to be accurate! There are certain alternates for portions of my commute–I can take a different bridge, for instance, if THE TACONY BRIDGE IS OPENING, as it is wont to do. So, when I listen to you on the way to the bridge–which is four miles from my home–then get there to find a veritable plethora of cars lined up at the tolls, I wonder WHY you didn’t say that, Sam Clover, FOUR minutes ago. So, having been fooled too many times by 1060 traffic reports, I call, and ask to speak to traffic and who do I get? YOU, Sam Clover.

So Sam, says I…the bridge is closed and I’m stuck here when I COULD have taken another bridge if only YOU had reported the closing. I’m just about to report it now, says Sam, just as the bridge reopens. You never get it right, says I, shaking my head (Sam can’t see that, but he should expect it). Thanks, he says, as hangs up on me.

Hey–it’s your only effing job you A-hole. A bridge opening takes awhile–WHY didn’t you report it?

Which brings us to the problem. Remember when you could SEE the traffic guys up there in the helicopters? THAT’s when you got the real traffic reports. Now, I’m told, they’re just online, getting the reports from–who knows where? Certainly, only other people online because guess what? NO ONE’s up there anymore! Looking on some Google gps are ya? Well it’s not working. And people like Sam Clover can be replaced by computer robots who spit out exactly what’s on the screen.

I have taken to ignoring what I hear, because it’s usually wrong. Reports of roads being backed up are false. Reports of roads being clear are false. Believe me, I’ve lived it. Know the only thing that’s true? The thing they say EVERY morning:  I-95 is backed up between the Betsy Ross and Vine Street. Yeah, we know. Every. Day. And ya know what the cause of almost every accident is????

5_17_03_f This. An overturned tractor trailer.

So here’s my idea: Let’s get the trucks off the road. They travel 24/7–let them do the bulk of their driving at night and keep them off the road between, let’s say, 7 am and 7 pm. With a little juggling, I bet every store will get its food in time, every gas station their gas, every whatever their whatevers. Adjust the schedule and let the commuter cars have the roads. Can you imagine how much better things would be?

Ah, I can. I dream about it.

Okay, so there are other things I’m hating today: TD Bank, which NEVER has enough tellers working at the drive-thru. And recruiters, who call you with jobs, make you send them all kinds of stuff, then ignore you. Seriously? You just got me excited about a well-paying job closer to home that I can do with my eyes closed that yes, we agree, I would be very good at…then you fall off the face of the Earth, don’t bother answering messages or emails? It takes two seconds: sorry, hopeful job seeker, but we went another way. Hang in there, though, I’m sure something better will come along. Let’s keep in touch.

You’re an effing recruiter for gawd’s sake, not the president! You’re job is to be able to…what? Read? Call people? Please. Have some respect. Learn some manners. UGH.

Okay, I’m done. Thanks for letting me vent. I’m sure you’ve had days like this. Hang in there, I’m sure something better will come along. Let’s keep in touch xx. And here’s this:



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