I think George Carlin said it best:
“Some people are really fuckin’ stupid.”
I see you nodding in agreement.
“Think of it this way,” he continued. “Think of how stupid the average person is, then realize half of ’em are stupider than that.”
The man was a genius.
What’s inspired this post, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. Last night we got a tornado warning in my area. A tornado didn’t actually touch down, but man did we have a BIG, if short, storm! I mean, trees downed, cars overturned, big mess. I was in the mall, so I missed the whole thing, but I’ve been told. I’ve seen pictures. It rained hard for about 20 mins at around 6:30 pm, and for the sake of argument, let’s just assume the grass outside my apartment was good and soaked.
So, you can imagine my chagrin when at 12:15 am, the sprinklers went on! Now, if you’re not me–and most of you aren’t–you may not understand fully how annoying these sprinklers are! I was awake when I heard the first spigot head, or whatever it is, rise from the underworld to spray unnecessary and excessive water across the already-sopping lawn underneath my bedroom window. As these things rise, they sputter out all kinds of air PFTPTFFFTTTPFTTTTTTTT…
ACK! Our windows were opened as the storm had lowered the heat considerably and, like everyone else, we TRY to save $$ by not running the AC 24/7. I assumed (and we all know what Felix Unger told us about what happens when you assume: You make an ASS of U and ME) that the sprinklers would NOT be running tonight because of the aforementioned thorough soaking the grass had just received.
I was wrong. Why? BECAUSE STUPID PEOPLE ARE IN CHARGE OF STUFF THAT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP MY OWN EARS OFF AND STUFF THEM DOWN THEIR THROATS.
So I didn’t sleep much last night, as the sound kept me awake–on, off, on again somewhere slightly different, off, on again…well, you get the picture. It does that for three hours. PFTPFTPFTTTTTTTT. I’m a sensitive, light sleeper–I got up and watched a Kevin Hart special (hilarious) to keep myself from going downstairs to break off their evil spigot heads!
I could go on, but I’m getting mad all over again. Let me just add another unrelated thing:
I am a freelancer on outsource.com. I completed a job, the money was paid, I “released” it from them–and now I can’t find it!
WHERE’S MY MONEY?
Probably down there, underground, with the effing spigots. PFTPFTPFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT…ACK!