The FEDitor

I want to be the Federal Editor! The FEDitor.

We all see the mistakes. Every day. Everywhere. And that’s because there’s no one watching the store, so to speak. How else do you explain a 50-foot high billboard like this:

errorHow about a guy who makes his living making signs:

PoorGrammarThe saddest part of this, perhaps, is that enough people don’t mind that this guy doesn’t know his apostrophe from his elbow, as he obviously is IN BUSINESS. But should he be without even the slightest knowledge of the English Language? I say no.

Unless he gets himself an editor or proofreader who can tell him when he’s about to make an embarrassing mistake on his own gd sign. That is why I offer myself as the one to clean up our acts! I will, as FEDitor, drive around the country fixing mistakes so when visitors come here they don’t think we’re a bunch of idiots.

What do you think President Obama? How’s about you GIVE ME A JOB, since you’re always saying you want to put people like me to work? I won’t even charge you much. Give me a nice motor home (I drove a 32-foot self-contained Southwind all over the country years ago, so I even have experience) and I’ll take to the road, editing as I go. As I’ll be a federal employee, I won’t even charge the people–it’ll be “on the government,” which should take the edge off learning that their $5,000 billboard is wrong.


I can help other people, too, not just those with bad signs. I can coach someone who finds himself on TV saying that his dead grandpa had “old-timer’s disease,” instead of Alzheimer’s, and who “could care less” when he actually means that he could NOT care less. How about those who are “chomping at the bit,” rather than “champing?” Or the poker player who calls herself a  “card shark” rather than the correct “card sharp?”

I can go on like this forever: “for all intensive purposes” is actually “for all intents and purposes.” How about this one: “supposably?” Ever said that? If you have, you’re not alone. Now, lots of folks mispronounce words while speaking but civility and social mores demand that we let it go. The problem comes when Mr. “I came acrost this affadavid” goes to write that down. It sure may be his “perogative” to do so, but he’s not going to impress anyone.

I believe that all this matters because if you’re speaking or writing to someone who knows better, they may dismiss you for being a nitwit instead of considering your appeal. You’re not going to get what you really want if you can’t ask for it correctly. At the very least, check your spelling!!

the-worst-billboards-ever-20-pics_16This is my favorite of all time.

I don’t know what Southbend did about this, but I would have loved to see the reactions!

As an editor, I hate to see you make a fool of yourself–or your entire school system.

Please check out for all your editing needs, no matter how small. Because we all want to appear intelligent, even when we’re not.



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