The 2014 Grammys: Not for Grammies

Here’s why the Grammys are for kids: Beyonce opens the show with a number a la Flashdance, shaking and rubbing her famous booty, her lyrics silently bleeped within the first ten seconds.

What would Pat Boone think?

Man, she sure is prouda her butt. She’s joined by her hubby Jay-Z who joins her in admiring her body. So far, I’d rather be watching Showtime.

The show is being hosted not by NPH or Tina Fey/Amy Poehler, not by Ellen or former Grammy host John Denver (dead) or Andy Williams (dead, too) or Jon Stewart (not dead) but by LL Cool J. “Who’s that?” my late grandmother just asked. “And where’s Johnny?”

John Denver Performing with PuppetI remember when I started disliking the Grammys…it was a long time ago, when all of a sudden, the nominated artists were not MY artists, nor the artists my friends and I LOVED growing up; when the stars started dressing wildly and RAP became a category and we didn’t know any of them besides Eminem and we didn’t even like him.

Then, years later, the Grammys went back to having some good old rock and rollers back, some crooners for the older set, singers we loved and missed and we all started watching again ~~ changing channels during the new artists’ performances, running back to catch the oldies but goodies.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis win the first award of the night for “Best New Artist” and though they are clearly popular, I don’t really know them ~~ which makes me pretty sure my mother doesn’t either. And which makes me feel old. Sheesh.

g6

Our next performer is Lorde who looks like she’s having a mini stroke while performing in black pants, black nails, black lips. The song “Royals” is up for best record, and she’s a global sensation apparently, but I’m thinking this would be a good time for a pee break. I may be older than I realize, but if I was gonna sing on the Grammys, I’d wear something great. She looks like she’s going to the grocery store…or the hospital.

56th GRAMMY Awards - Show

And now here’s that looks-like-he’s-12 Hunter Hayes playing the piano and singing and I have to say I really like him as John Lennon lyrics appear on a screen behind him. He’s premiering a new song ~~ and it’s good.

Next Award: Pop Duo/Group Performance: I LOVE 3 of these songs, but the award goes to a bunch of guys for Get Lucky, and two of them are wearing shiny helmets with face shields up to the stage, so I still don’t know them. I think Rihanna and Mikky Ekko were robbed ~~ “STAY” is awesome.

Next performer: Katy Perry. Now, I recently went as “Katy” to a themed NYE party, so I do like her but I’m not a fan of her voice as she doesn’t appear to really sing that well on her own. Still, she’s a performer and the stage sure is–active. I also like the fact that she’s not too skinny. She’s joined onstage by a rapper whose name, of course, IDK. Ooh, and there’s fire!

katyBest Dressed.

NOW we’re talkin’. It’s Chicago playing “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” and “Saturday” with Robin Thicke. Then they go into “Blurred Lines” and all is right with the world and I think “I ain’t dead, yet.”

g10Why did Taylor Swift change out of her chain-mail dress for her performance? She got a whole dress just to walk the red carpet? Geez, well, I guess if you’ve made sixty thousand million dollars (true fact) and you’re only, like, 20 or something, well, you can buy as many dresses as you want. OR, she was tired from wearing chain-mail. Either way, that first dress was a FAV of mine for BEST DRESSED. I will have to wait like the rest of you, though, to find out who truly was best dressed until Joan Rivers tells us. Because, you know, she KNOWS…because she’s always so purty and well dressed.

g7Moving on…

Nine-time Grammy winner John Legend hits the stage and I think even a few grannies know him because he’s cute and nice and talented and plays the piano, which they love.

The man of the year, the diminutive but SO funny Kevin Hart presents the best Rock Song and Paul McCartney and The Rolling Stones and Black Sabbath are nominated...Cut Me Some Slack wins and Paul kisses some really young looking girl, yuck, but that’s cool. Ozzy doesn’t look like he knows if he’s won or lost but doesn’t Paul’s hair look great? LOL.

g9He’s 71, but his hair’s only 22. Now that’s talent.

Up next: A GREAT NEW GRAMMY MOMENT!! And how many of them will we have before the night is over? Pink and Nate Ruess (from my favorite newish band, FUN.) , who are so stellar with “Just Give Me A Reason” this season begin their performance with Pink up in those ropes again (see: last year’s Grammys)…Nate’s not, which is disappointing, but he’s such a nerd, with a mustache!!, that you gotta love ‘im.

BEST POP SOLO PERFORMANCE award goes to: Lorde for “Royals.” Okay. At least she changed into a dress. It’s an ugly black dress, but still. And I KNOW that if you’re way less old than I, that you will not agree with anything I have to say…which is to say, pfft. Write your own blog (which I’m sure you do, which I’m sure I don’t read, so there you are).

Nothing against Ringo, but of all the BEATLES, he’s who we get? Singing “Photograph?” C’mon Paul, it’s your 50th anniversary (oh gawd, i was there at the beginning, though too young to know it). This is painful. And what’s Peter Frampton doing there? It’s the old guys~~they even break to the old rockers in the audience watching! And Yoko, who we all still secretly blame…

Holy Grail by JayZ wins BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION with Justin Timberlake who’s not there 😦

I am not entertained by the next act (Imagine Dragons and somebody), but I do love that Taylor Swift and friend are up dancing in the front like my 12-year-0ld niece would be at a~~well, Taylor Swift concert!

OH, this is the girl in pink from my preview blog: Kacey Musgraves. So cute. You gotta give it to the Grammys: this show sure is diverse.

Hmmm. Let me tell you why Julia Roberts is here: because her movie is SO depressing, she needs to promote it as often as she can, even by just showing up somewhere and reminding people who she is. As a friend of mine said, the movie just “sucks the life out of you.” But anyway, here’s Paul…and Ringo…and isn’t it lovely and sad all at once because they were so young and so cute and so, so, so awesome before that was even a thing to say.

Moving on, it looks like Gloria Estefan got shot and nearly bled to death on her dress.

BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM: Unorthodox Jukebox, Bruno Mars.

(I am, so far, 1168 words in and counting…and wondering WHY I work so hard for no money and if ANYone is still reading…and when I’ll get discovered and wishing it was easier to comment here, but you can always send me a tweet @pattiobrien21 and say hey.)

The “new” Highwaymen with Willie and Kris and Blake and Merle (who truly does look haggard)…and boy has Kris Kristofferson gotten old (yes, that’s tonight’s theme) but Willie looks great (he’s always looked this old) but the oh-so-handsome Blake Shelton is a NICE addition to the group. Mamas maybe shouldn’t let their babies grow up to be cowboys, but I wouldn’t mind ridin’ the range with Blake 😉 Just sayin’

BEST COUNTY ALBUM: Same Trailer, Different Park (comma put in by me b/c it belongs there!) by Kacey Musgraves, who steals the award from Blake and Keith and Taylor!! Upset?!!

The crowd’s again on its feet for the Stevie Wonder/Daft Punk performance but omg I’m getting tired and have to get up early and this looks like it’s going long…but I have to wait for Madonna because she looked so weird (how much plastic surgery has she had???) on the red carpet and I wanna see what she does. Coffee time.

madonna

Sara Berseilles, I think she IS the girl I saw on The View (see previous post) and the iconic Carol King: Beautiful.

SONG OF THE YEAR: Royals. Okay, I give up with this girl. Such better songs and singers up for this…jmo

Is it me…or is Metallica just not as scary as they used to be? LOL, a little L’Oreal might help!! I think my late grandmother just gave up the ghost.

OMG Steven Tyler just cannot help himself: He just HAS to sang!! And now, RECORD OF THE YEAR: the robots. What.ever. Let Steven sing again.

So now we get to hear Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and it’s interesting and he makes some good points and we, the elders, learn something new and IDK who the girl in the red dress is, but I kinda like it all…and I think that I was wrong at the beginning and that The Grammys are for us all and even though my Grandma would be confused and perplexed by the same sex couples and OH GOD Madonna’s had a stroke, obviously, but what the hell, it’s all good. It’s Music and MUSIC fills my soul with joy and love and I hope you all enjoyed the show and this ridiculously long post..oh. it’s not over yet but I have to call it a night. And if you’re still with me here, Thanks so much xoxoxo

paul mccartney and ringo starr ap grammys

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8 thoughts on “The 2014 Grammys: Not for Grammies

  1. I concurred with most everything you wrote Patticakes except for cutting down Richard Starkey who for some reason chose the name Ringo Starr. Perhaps you were too young but he was HUGE in the 70’s! Though I didn’t view the entire show, you were spot-on with Chicago and amazingly was thinking the exact same thing about Gloria Estafan’s dress. For me the best part came at the end with Trent Reznor of NIN, Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac, Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters and Josh Homme rockin out together!

    • I didn’t mean to cut him down, but that was boring!! I missed the end, I was so tired what with the watching and writing and checking the spelling of names and getting images…exhausting! Thanks for reading and responding Mike, I love it!!

  2. Pretty Patti-
    Although I’m not positive, I think that “really young looking girl” Paul McC was kissing is his “really young looking wife” Nancy Shevell (early 50s- yes she looks good!) ;P
    My mom just reminded me I went to camp with Nancy…back in the day (WAY back!). Her dad owned a large lucrative transportation co.

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