#Goldenglobes: Award and Fashion Winners

Welcome to Award Season, my favorite season of the year (right behind Summer, Christmas and Spring). Okay, welcome to my fourth favorite season of the year! If you, like me, have been giddy all day just knowing that Guliana and Ryan would be on the Red Carpet tonight, then you, like me, must be so happy right now (it’s 7:51 pm, Sunday night)!!

I love the award shows. If I had my druthers, I would be in “the industry.” But alas, I am only a viewer, but I am an enthusiastic viewer, a true lover of good tv, great movies and inspired music. So here we are at The Globes, hearing our stars speak their own words, wearing their much-ado’d over dresses–yes, dresses, because who cares about what the men wear? Seriously, tuxedos look good, but as long as our favorite male stars are wearing their usual hair and faces, we’re happy.

So…since the shows do it, let’s start with the fashions. Now, I hate to say anything bad about someone who’s trying to look nice–and who are we to judge, as most of us would never look half as good as they do–but what? Julia Roberts. What? You are the world’s most iconic movie star, and you’re wearing like a white blouse with a black skirt that starts at the boobs? Do you see what the small screen’s bombshell Sofia Vergara‘s wearing? THAT’S what a movie star wears, Julia. Just sayin’…

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals        sofia vergara

Cate Blanchett is being adored by Kelly Osbourne, who thinks EVERYone looks “amazing,” but I think she looks like a rich, old lady in mourning. I think Guliana Rancic looks better than almost everyone up there–she said this is her 13th red carpet gig, so she’s got it down, with her millions of dollars of diamonds.

Cate Blanchett                                  guliana

The much-anticipated opening of the show with the More-popular-than-Jesus Tina Fey and Amy Poehler has begun…and Tina Fey looks A-mazing…truly. And there’s Bono, who eclipses them all in my humble opinion. And Jennifer Lawrence, who is THE “It Girl” right now…love the new ‘do, which is eerily exactly like Robin Wright‘s, though she’s been wearing it longer.

robin wrightThe hosts are funny, really funny. Yay smart, pretty, talented, funny women!! Girls rule, boys drool. Deal with it.

Ooh, Sandra Bullock looks like a Disney princess. And the Supporting Actress in a film award goes to: Jennifer Lawrence. Big surprise. But she says “oh shit” as she makes her way to the stage, so I’m glad she won. She’s such an authentic person that I think it makes her the awesome, natural actor she is, so good for you, Jennifer! One down, three hundred to go…

jennifer lawrenceMila Kunis looks terrible, sorry Mila. She’s a great actress, but yuck. Why the hair? Why?

mila kunis

Ooh, good category: Supporting Actress for tv goes to Jacqueline Bissett, who’s been around a long time and was so sexy when she was young but now she looks–well, old. And she can’t get it together enough for a salient speech, but the audience likes her. Sad for Monica Potter, who’s had such an incredible year on “Parenthood,” but there’s still the Emmy (yay).

monicaOkay, so another big surprise, Behind the Candelabra won, but of course. A big, gay production about..well…a big, gay production? Couldn’t lose.

Helen Mirren is the only “woman of a certain age” who actually really looks good tonight. Does that woman age? She’s flawless, in everything she wears and every role she plays, but Madman‘s Elisabeth Moss beats her out of a statue.

helen mirren(Someone please tell Jessica Lange that it’s time to cover up when the cleavage area is more crinkly than not. Gawd, I AM bitchy about the actresses tonight.)

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad. Yeah, yeah, saw those coming too. To be fair, I did not watch the show, but I do believe that the people can’t be wrong, it must have been as great as they say. I think I liked him better in Malcolm, though.

Okay…so I’ve missed a few awards while searching images, but uh-oh, it’s BONO winning, up on the stage with his band mates of forever and The Edge is talking about working with Nelson Mandela and aren’t the Irish the coooolest? Yes, yes we are. Wow, all four of them are speaking, which is quite unusual. Bono’s wearing purple-tinted glasses because he CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS TO DO BECAUSE HE’S BONO.

The question of the night–the question of every award show–is as follows: will Meryl Streep win her four billionth award, thereby becoming the most award-winning human being in the galaxy? Say what you will about Meryl, but she sure knows how to pick ’em.

OMG it’s RDJ and he looks cute, cute, cute. And the Best Actress in a film award goes to: UPSET!!UPSET!! AMY ADAMS HAS STOLEN MERYL’S AWARD. The galaxy has spun out of control. What will become of us…oh my, oh my, oh…wait. Yeah, these awards mean nothing to anyone but the winners and losers. Whatever.

As we go to commercial, let’s look at some more dresses, shall we? Let’s do!

emma watsonEmma Watson has little black capris under that. She does no wrong, ever.

reese witherspoonReese Witherspoon looks like she’s doing a photo shoot. So cute, always looks good.

ariel winterHere’s Ariel Winter from Modern Family; she plays the dorky, middle sister. Now check out the older, sexy sister from the show, Sarah Hyland:

sarah HylandWhat the hell happened here? Maybe she forgot where she was going. I love Rashida Jones, though. So cute and fresh. And I don’t really know Paula Patton, but she has a crazy-cool voice.

rashida jonespaula patton

Oh, and Robin Wright wins for House of Cards. Must be the hair.

Here comes Jim Carrey, America’s most underrated actor in my opinion. Will he ever get an award for one of his film roles? One can only hope. Sigh.

Best Supporting Actor in a film: Jared Leto for Dallas Buyers Club, and I want you to know that I typed that in before they announced it. Some awards are foregone conclusions. He sure is pretty enough to play a woman.

Bruce Dern’s Nebraska is up for Best Picture, but did anyone else think his daughter looked like a porn star tonight:

laura dern

Oh, next award: don’t let it be Michael J. Fox or Jim Parsons, again…and SNL’s Andy Samberg wins for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which he deserves. I usually call him Adam Sandberg–he and Adam Sandler being nearly the same person–but tonight I’m getting his name right because he’s a winner! But where’s Raising Hope‘s Garrett Dillahunt? He’s soooooo good as Burt, but he’s never recognized at these shows. I (heart) Dillahunt.

Another commercial, another dress: yes, you get it all here, folks, no need to look at another blog during award season. If only I got paid for this…sigh.

I was thinking that the other Cate could take some fashion advice from this Kate, who always looks way-great:

kate beckinsaleKate Beckinsale is who I want to look like in my next life.

I think Zoe Saldana looks so modern and cool and pretty==she’s wearing a dress made with her in mind and I think it works:

Zoe-Saldana-Golden-Globes-2014

Michael Douglas wins for playing Liberace–he really was good in that, and I like that he’s let his hair go gray. I mean, really, who are we fooling?

(pee break. seriously, this is a long show.)

Aaaaand we’re back. Frozen wins. OHOHOHOHOH Stop the Presses!!!! It’s my boyfriend, Colin Farrell. OMG I love him. Shhhhh. Film clip. And he’s gone. Where have you gone, Colin? Shit, now I don’t even care about this show anymore.

However, I will carry on. And the Best Actress in a tv show goes to Amy Poehler because apparently she’s sold her soul to the devil. She’s sitting on BONO’s lap when her name is called–does it get any better than that?

I’m just glad Lena Dunham didn’t win because I hate her and she never, ever looks nice at award shows…oh, what? So sue me.

lena dunham

But you know who looked GREAT? You may not know her name yet, but you will and she’s stunning; she’s Lupita Nyong’o and she stars in 12 Years A Slave. I know how much trouble she must have with that crazy apostrophe in her name, poor girl, but I think they’ll get it right from now on.

lupita nyong'oAnd now, Woody Allen.

Has there ever been a better writer/filmmaker? Cecil B. DeMille winner, 2014, and he’s not there, of course. Probably playing sax somewhere in Manhattan. Seventy-four movies! The man’s a weirdo, maybe, in real life, but he’s a genius and isn’t that all we should judge, his art? Let him marry his non-daughter; as long as he makes the movies he does, we’ll let him off the hook. He’s made himself a leading man, looking the way he does: who woulda thunk it? Diane Keaton accepts his award, in her tuxedo and big, black glasses. I love her, too.

Best TV Series: Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Nice.

Best Actor, Film: Leonardo Dicaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street.

Best Picture, Comedy or Musical: American Hustle. With Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence also winning, this might be one to see. But this category seems weird, huh?

Best Actress, Motion Picture, Drama: Cate Blanchett. Okay, so she’s a better actress than fashionista. She was the favorite going in, so I guess she’s really good in Blue Jasmine. Another Woody Allen movie–yeah, gotta see this one!

Good golly, this is the longest blog ever. Still with me? Raise your hand if you are.

Best Actor, Motion Picture, Drama: Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club. Yeah, gotta see that movie.

BTW, I might not be getting these categories right b/c they flash them up there for about a second and I’ve been at this since before 8 pm and it’s nearly 11 and I’m not as young as I used to be and I had to do all that bolding and italicizing and checking the actors’ names and I probably didn’t even spell them all right but don’t judge me because you know I do this for THE READERS and everything. Just sayin’…

So, as we round the final lap, I’d like to go on record saying that Lena Dunham is my WORST DRESSED and lots of women are my BEST DRESSED and ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. AND COLIN FARRELL are my CUTEST and WOODY ALLEN is kinda lame for not showing up and…oh, JOHNNY DEPP is a late entry for SEXIEST.

Best Picture, Drama (like American Hustle isn’t a drama? lol): 12 Years A Slave and here comes Lupita and isn’t she lovely? And Sarah Paulson who I’ve always thought was great, so there you go. Another winner to see asap.

SO, who wants to go to the movies?

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