Well, it’s come to this. My sponge is mocking me.
Seriously, my sponge–WTF?
Yes, I know that I cut my trip abroad short, way short. But it wasn’t my fault. I had no choice.
I wanted to go to Rome, you KNOW I did. But I didn’t make it, did I? No. And you’re mocking me for it, aren’t you? Yes.
The question is: why? WTF have I ever done to you but use you exactly as you should be? Have I not soaped you up and let you have at it? The dishes, the cups, the cutlery–my god, the pots and pans! Counters, cabinets…even the floor for pete’s sake. The floor! What else do you want?
Cities don’t belong on sponges, yet I let you live, even as you mock, daily, my mundane existence in my South Jersey kitchen. Is it Milan? No. Might I have been there in, say, April, had I not been called home? Perhaps, yes, but does that give you the right to remind me of where I am NOT, day in and day out?
Without a dishwasher, you are an integral kitchen tool. But does that mean I must suffer the daily reminders of where I could have been, had I only been able to stay? Must you remind me that I did not even get to fly into Miami, as I was trying to do? There was a blizzard forecasted for Philly, remember? Airport shut down, remember? I tried to get a flight to Florida just to get home to the good old USA, but the flight’s were outrageously over-priced and ridiculously long; I wasn’t going to pay $2,500 for a flight that took 36 hours because of layovers. So sue me, you stupid spineless Porifera.
Yes, spineless. You mock, but cannot be mocked. How brave. But the joke’s on you, because I DO go to New York whenever I damn well please. And I HAVE been to L.A. and don’t really want to go back. And I never had any intention of going to Prague. So, ha!
Well, I’ve had it. In the end, Sponge, you gave me no choice. I did what I had to do.
Someday, I will return to Europe and go to Rome. And Milan. And a whole bunch of different cities you couldn’t even fit on your sad, sessile, invertebrate body. But you? You are headed to your final destination. Have a good trip.