WTF Sponge?

Well, it’s come to this. My sponge is mocking me.

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Seriously, my sponge–WTF?

Yes, I know that I cut my trip abroad short, way short. But it wasn’t my fault. I had no choice.

I wanted to go to Rome, you KNOW I did. But I didn’t make it, did I? No. And you’re mocking me for it, aren’t you? Yes.

The question is: why? WTF have I ever done to you but use you exactly as you should be? Have I not soaped you up and let you have at it? The dishes, the cups, the cutlery–my god, the pots and pans! Counters, cabinets…even the floor for pete’s sake. The floor! What else do you want?

Cities don’t belong on sponges, yet I let you live, even as you mock, daily, my mundane existence in my South Jersey kitchen. Is it Milan? No. Might I have been there in, say, April, had I not been called home? Perhaps, yes, but does that give you the right to remind me of where I am NOT, day in and day out?

Without a dishwasher, you are an integral kitchen tool. But does that mean I must suffer the daily reminders of where I could have been, had I only been able to stay? Must you remind me that I did not even get to fly into Miami, as I was trying to do? There was a blizzard forecasted for Philly, remember? Airport shut down, remember? I tried to get a flight to Florida just to get home to the good old USA, but the flight’s were outrageously over-priced and ridiculously long; I wasn’t going to pay $2,500 for a flight that took 36 hours because of layovers. So sue me, you stupid spineless Porifera.

Yes, spineless. You mock, but cannot be mocked. How brave. But the joke’s on you, because I DO go to New York whenever I damn well please. And I HAVE been to L.A. and don’t really want to go back. And I never had any intention of going to Prague. So, ha!

Well, I’ve had it. In the end, Sponge, you gave me no choice. I did what I had to do.

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Someday, I will return to Europe and go to Rome. And Milan. And a whole bunch of different cities you couldn’t even fit on your sad, sessile, invertebrate body. But you? You are headed to your final destination. Have a good trip.

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7 thoughts on “WTF Sponge?

  1. This was too funny. You know, I thought you were talking about a different kind of sponge when I first started reading this. You know! “The Sponge” the one we only use for the men who are sponge worthy.

  2. Positively Hilarious Patti, This one belongs in the Comedy Writers Hall Of Fame or at the very least preserved for future generations at the Smithsonian! The funniest piece of writing since your protege Lisa Scottoline wrote about chafing in a certain female area from wearing her favorite jeans too often during her book tour! Mike

  3. Hi Patti,

    My name is KC Owens; I’m a college student who loves to travel! While cruising the Internet, I found A Broad Abroad and really enjoyed reading your posts. Personally, I think traveling is a necessary part of life as you’re exposed to all sorts of new cultures and experiences. While enjoying time abroad, I’ve found it’s crucial to fully understand the dangers that you might encounter along the way. These mishaps are part of life and certainly part of travel but it’s always a great idea to take preventive measures to help ensure your safety while abroad.

    I was hoping that you would allow me to write a post for your site to share my travel safety tips with your readers? I put a lot of time and passion into my traveling and I would love to help others by offering safety advice as a result of the mistakes and triumphs I’ve had. I look forward to hearing from you!

    Best,

    KC Owens

    • Hey KC…thanks for the kind words. Although I do hesitate to work with someone I don’t know (which is the kind of thing the internet warns us not to do, speaking of safety!) you do have a GUINNESS in your pic, so how bad could you be? Write something up and send it to me at pattiobrien2121@gmail.com and if it fits with my blog, I’ll be happy to post it.
      Where do you go to school? Tell me a little about yourself. Patti

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