Well, my Oscar ‘wishes’ did not come true as both Hugh Jackman and Les Mis were cheated–yes, that’s right–out of their Oscars by less worthy competitors. I’m sorry, but Argo could not compare to the Epic Spectacularness of Les Mis (no, it’s not a word, but it fits). I saw both and although my companions last night were thrilled that their little movie won Best Picture, I am not. Sigh.
Still, Anne Hathaway won (no surprise to anyone) and Ang Lee won, which was nice. It was a funny night at the Oscars as Seth McFarlane kind of bombed, which was a BIG surprise as he is incredibly talented and funny and handsome and awesome, and the awards were split among many movies. But whoever directed the show was way off.
The highlight for me, of course, was the Les Mis number and the appearance of my ALL-TIME favorite, Barbra. No, she can’t sing like she used to, but we’ll never forget how she used to, so it’s still just great to see her.
But “The Day After the Oscars” requires a summary of the night’s Best and Worst, so here goes:
Best Couple: Sorry George, but Tatum and Mrs. Channing are too gorgeous to be ignored, and pregnant to boot. That’s gonna be one good looking baby.
Although overlooked by Oscar for his outstanding performance in Les Mis (sorry, but that movie is really, really good), I pick Eddie Redmayne as Best Guy of the night. See how the light just shines off his head?
Everyone was talking about Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams and Charlize Theron, blah blah blah, but how about a little love for the ‘bigger’ ladies? I thought Octavia Spencer looked beautiful and felt bad for her when she mentioned her Supporting Actress win (2012 for The Help) and nobody clapped. So here’s to you girl!
And on a night when there was an actual song about boobs, I give the Most Talked About Boobs Award to Anne Hathaway:
In the “Money CAN Buy You Anything You Want” category, I offer Harvey Weirstein and woman:
I don’t know if that’s his baby in there, but I….ya know what, I don’t wanna think about it.
Now here’s an actress who never disappoints and always looks great:
Jennifer Aniston might just be the nicest girl in Hollywood and never makes a fashion mistake.
And say what you will about Bellatrix, but she never disappoints either…she always makes a statement, even if that statement is that she’s a little crazy. I love her no matter what she wears.
A new category this year that you might not have seen before but which should always be a category is Hardest Working Push-Up Bra:
We’ve all seen Mrs. Urban in the nude. I wonder what she has in there? But no matter how hard she tries, she will never out-diva the Biggest Diva of All:
This is a woman who thinks she’s all that and a bag of talent; unfortunately, her voice doesn’t support that theory. She can still dance after two kids though, I’ll give her that.
In the category: Still Dressing Like Her Character, I give you Mary Todd Lincoln. Sally, we really, really did not like you in this dress. Sorry Gidget. At least you still have Seth.
How about “Highest Actor/Actress on a night where many were suspect:”
Seriously Kristen, we know you were on crutches, but next time save the pills for the After Party!
As for Best Plastic Surgery, the award MUST go to the woman who looks like she hasn’t aged in 50 years…and we know she has, so…
C’mon Jane, tell us your secrets so we can look this good when we’re 102. Incredible. Impossible, but incredible.
And I’m sorry funny lady, but the hair? The dress? It was all just sad, not funny, and so the award for Worst of Everything goes to:
Sorry Melissa, but it had to be said…and I’m sure it’ll be said on Entertainment Tonight tonight. I hope they’re kinder to you than EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE WHO SHOULD HAVE STOPPED YOU FROM WEARING THAT DRESS AND TEASING YOUR HAIR LIKE IT’S THE 1950’S. The end.